The reason for this is not insomnia, stress, or that three-way and cheese coney I had for dinner, rather it is the result of about two hours worth of fighting with an old PC which always seems to process slower than the amount of time it took Methuselah to reach his 969 years whenever I get on it!
I guess its my own fault, but as always I thought this time it would be quick - a few short scans and I'd be done. Wrong. The frustration mounted as the PC went slower and slower and slower. Finally after a reboot and several "fixes" the task was finished. No good deed goes unpunished I guess - I was trying to update my page on the church website. After this exhausting experience I began to feel a little sorry for myself; I began counting my labors as a little bit of "suffering for the Kingdom." Then suddenly the reality of my thoughts hit me like a Mack truck - a spiritual two-by-four of sorts, right across the heart. This was not suffering at all and by most standards the fact that I mentioned a computer in the same sentence as suffering would cause either extreme laughter or condescension. I had to admit something that I have been wrestling with for some time now - I haven't really suffered much for the Lord.
You might say, "Well praise God, He has blessed you;" but when I look at Scripture this is a bit inconsistent with message Christ proclaimed to his followers, after all it was Christ who declared that if anyone wanted to be His disciple they must "pick up their cross" and follow Him. In fact, much of the New Testament was written by disciples who were under duress, imprisonment, and extreme persecution. The New Testament church and as well as many believers around the world know all too well the cost of discipleship and many have paid the full price for their faith in Christ.
This all gets me to wonder - Why haven't I experienced persecution/suffering for my faith? Not that I want to experience it or invite it in as a sign that it makes me somehow more holy or blessed, but rather a tangible result of a life of boldness in the faith - a mark of one who is "not ashamed of the Gospel." Does the all-too-real answer lie in the fact that I haven't really invested fully into the work of discipleship and the risks associated with sharing my faith? I have my suspicions that this might be the case.
